Growing Old
Author Unknown
Ankles all swollen
Dentures click when you talk
Corns and bunions so bad
It is painful to walk.
Hearing is fading
Can’t talk on the phone
Don’t worry too much
You’re not alone.
Hair has fallen out
Head shines in the light
What there is left
Has turned snow white.
Eyesight is poor
Like walking in a fog.
You have to be careful
Or you’ll trip over your dog.
No routine to follow
Regularity is poor.
Take Ex-Lax at night
Just to be sure.
Gas is a problem
And after a pie ala mode
You feel like acballoon
Ready to explode.
Your sex life is gone
Or going fast.
Don’t kid yourself brother
Even that doesn’t last.
Science may help you
I won’t say it can’t
I have heard of a gadget
Called an implant.
You are not invited to parties
Can’t dance any more.
The young folks say
You are in the way on the floor.
Liquor is out
You don’t dare take a chance.
After one bottle of beer
You may wet your pants.
But there is one bright spot
I almost forgot by heck.
That’s the third of the month
And the Social Security check.
Some things are evident
Some you can hide.
As you sit there and wait
For that last ride.
The grass needs mowing
After all this rain.
After twenty-plus times
You wonder–can you do it again?
I have just hit the high spots
There is much more to tell.
So I leave you with this message
Growing old can be H—.
